The NPCs living more conservative lives than you
NPC mum and dad voted remain and put their trust in the two-party system, but they live a life which right wing Twitter aspires to.
One day, on a warm evening sitting by the fireplace hunched over a cold swirling jar of egg yolk along with the latest revised editions to Oswald Spengler’s work, right wing Twitter needs to collect its thoughts, examine its esoteric ways of life, and ask itself: have we really discovered how to live the perfect life? Is it only us who imbue the meaning to a fulfilled existence, or are we late to the party? Unfortunately, as the seed-oil prohibitionists will soon discover, the party was over before they got there.
Twitter is the home to another specimen of the digital human race that right wing Twitter least expects to find in this pixelated forest of regurgitated loyalty oaths. A species so numerous, yet so outside of the stereotypical perimeters imposed upon it from the outside, it is as if a weary traveller stumbles upon a herd of unicorns – in a desert, amidst the darkness of space.
Yet we do not have to venture far into the cosmos; scrolling down through a Twitter feed and clicking on the personal icons of its users renders any wildlife binoculars redundant.
Here’s the deal with stereotypes: they exist, and they are half-baked in truth (though highly exaggerated). The fairy tales of our childish souls, from Snow White to the Pied Piper, are loosely based on true events (with the supernatural element added for effect and mystery), but sometimes our fables and ideological models do not mould kindly to the wilderness that we have not yet discovered.
On Twitter, and any social media platform for that matter, lurks the NPC living a more conservative life than you. By definition, they adhere to the fashionable views of the day; their Twitter bio is home to the Overton Window’s pack of cards, from the Ukrainian flag to one’s own personal pronouns.
However, you may notice something peculiar. Alongside what right wing Twitter deems an enemy to all that it holds dear, the NPC’s Twitter bio may also state (though not as explicitly as this article does) that they are in a heterosexual monogamous marriage, complete with two-three children, a dog or cat, with the cover photo consisting of a family holiday. NPC Dad may cling to his fishing rods and command the barbeque during a summer as if it’s his own fortress, his tongs calling Tesco’s finest slabs of meat to the heat of battle; NPC mum may adore baking for her little tykes and wearing summer dresses when the temperature kicks up a notch.
The perfect poster child for a 1950s American nuclear family which right wing Twitter is dying to ‘retvrn’ to, is today’s same exact NPC family which outnumbers them profoundly. NPC mum and dad voted remain and put their trust in the two-party system, but they live a life which right wing Twitter aspires to and would kill for (besides going completely off-grid).
The law of averages dictate that the typical NPC is indeed more likely to be vegan, pro EU, have a transgender child, watch BBC news reports, and subscribe to Netflix, while the run of the mill right wing Twitter inhabitant will deliberately curate their entire life around core conservative principles, which is exemplified through the culture that they elect to consume, while retrieving their news through independent (and equally partisan) outlets.
But, to steal a liberal cliché, there is more that unites than that which divides. Blasting one’s own corrupted views onto a keyboard for the world to see sparks humanity’s instinct for tribal warfare, aggression, and in-group solidarity. Social media does a stellar job in triggering all of these carnal emotions to keep you hooked (and you fell for them). For if the hairless monkey doesn’t have any threats to care about, it would be disinterested, and will take its clicks elsewhere.
Put the NPC living a conservative life and a genuine conservative onto the same table, however, and there will inevitably be verbal disagreements, but all Hell will not break loose.
Unless Antifa and the Proud Boys are invited onto a blind date, both sides will see the human behind the screen. Much of the contemporary polarisation has occurred because everyone has locked themselves into their own little ‘agree with me’ room – a real life conversation necessitates respect, empathy, and understanding, which is certainly to be expected from a conservative. They view (or should view) the typical NPC as a good, honest, and rational person who wants the best for others, just misguided about the stepping stones to get there, largely because they haven’t pondered too long about it. They wake up at a normal time, work a normal job, pay normal taxes, and live a normal life.
Besides, the crux of the conservative world view is to accept the hard-wired neural circuitry of human nature and channel its animalistic desires, hopes, and impulses, towards productive, long-term outcomes. That is why ordinary people desire families, stable employment, a roof over their head and a future on the horizon. Why would this not be expected of the NPC?
Fertility rates are not collapsing because of the Abortion Act or a bloodline-ending commitment to net zero (though it does play an incredibly small role). It is because both the NPC and the ‘red-pilled’ live in a toxic economy that has shipped their grandfather’s job overseas and forces them to rent a shoebox until they’re 45.
Both the NPC and the conservative are reliant on two incomes per household; the death of the housewife is due to economics, not ideology. Socio-economic standing largely determines the political circles one is involved with, which is why the conservative NPC, with their mortgage, pets, and offspring, can afford to express these ‘fashionable’ views.
They have a stake in the societal apparatus, but don’t hold these cultural checkpoints close to heart (they are branded as ‘non-playable characters’ after all). Their legacy, to their profession, community, and family, will outlive the current economic and political system we either call a home or a nightmare.