Lockdown calls for a very English resistance this Christmas

“For Christmas Day, why not hold a funeral for a turkey? Then you can invite thirty people to partake in this solemn ceremony, rather than restrict yourself to three households.”

Historically, England is unlike many other nations when it comes to mass civil disobedience and political revolution: the corruption-ridden states of South America routinely exchange power through a violent military coup orchestrated by top military officials; France would hold her monthly general strike, sending Paris, the starting point of out-of-touch government diktats, under siege for the foreseeable future. 

The English, on the other hand, prefer what I like to term a ‘Gentleman’s Revolution’. Century-defining political change is forged politely, with minimal bloodshed and chaos – rather than slaying King John right there in his royal tent on that fateful day in 1215, they made him sign the Magna Carta. Although constricting his power, he remained the king, and alive. Yes, the English did once behead the King in 1649, but this was soon after the conclusion of a brutal Civil War, with Parliament, the victorious belligerent, attempting to charge Charles I as a war criminal until the Monarch’s unwillingness to yield left them no choice. 

The point being that the English are instinctively averse to any sort of major societal upheaval, as this is likely to put the lives of the revolutionary in as much jeopardy and danger as those they seek to overthrow. The terror in France following the revolution which targeted countless of innocent civilians, as well as the fate of Lenin’s inner circle when Stalin sought to remake the Communist Party, are prominent examples. 

Another core aspect of English culture is humour, which requires a land enshrined in liberty to survive. If the King has the Court Jester sacked – or worse, executed - he has turned into a tyrant. Humour requires a light outlook on life, a sprinkle of humility, stamped with a warning label not to take words at face-value. 

The combination of the English love of humour, and the politeness of the ‘Gentleman’s Revolution’, ensures that the populace are to be creative in their civil resistance. When the social contract is severed by an over-reaching state apparatus, the people can continue with their lives without the hassle of smashing shop windows and erecting guillotines in the market square. The mantra is more ‘we will not listen to you’ and less like ‘we will not listen to you, and we’ll cut off your head’. However, it may be unwise to refer to these actions as ‘civil resistance’ given that they usually follow the letter of the law. 

Let me explain. I ponder why the anti-lockdown protests on Saturday were not advertised by the organisers as a Black Lives Matter rally? After all, this group was allowed to literally run riot over the Summer, driven by their Marxist commitment to iconoclasm, all the while enabled by a politicised police force which bends over backwards to far-left mobs. They kneel for Black Lives Matter but throw anti-lockdown protesters into the back of police vans. 

For Christmas Day, why not hold a funeral for a turkey? Then you can invite thirty people to partake in this solemn ceremony, rather than restrict yourself to three households. If the authorities sniff through your intentions, claim to be an extreme vegan activist movement for that extra layer of protection - to keep yourself on the politically correct side of the law. 

When pubs reopen in Tier-2 England this week, I will tuck into my pre-ordered ‘substantial meal’: a soup bowl of fermented apple juice (also known as cider), finished off with a Guinness pudding. Tier-2 rules order pubs to kick customers out the minute they finish their meal – that is why you order the Guinness last. Any regulars of the King’s Head pub in Gosfield, Essex, are in luck with their ‘substantial meal’ of beans on toast for only £1.99. 

It has been drummed into us – through daily press conferences and festive TV adverts from global megacorp - that Christmas will be different this year. But that does not mean it has to change in any substantial way, not if you have the imagination to pull it off.