The importance of the father in the lives of young men

“The father teaches the bedrock lessons of life which the feminine nature of the mother is unequipped to deliver.”

Like the mountain gorilla and the sea turtle, fathers are also on the endangered species list. According to the Office for National Statistics, there are roughly three million lone parent families in the United Kingdom, the vast majority of which are single mothers. Between 1999 and 2019, there was an increase of 14.5% in the number of lone-parent families. 

The breakdown of the nuclear family – almost always caused by the father becoming separated from his sons and daughters due to splitting from their mother – has disastrous consequences for the children. Whilst bringing up her children, the mother usually has to continue to seek paid employment to support her family, leaving the children without the nurturing and loving care they so desperately require during their developmental years. Having both parents present allows for one – usually the mother – to attend properly to the children’s needs. We have all heard of the phenomenon of the ‘day-care’ generation, and this is its origin. 

In particular, the father teaches his children the bedrock lessons of life which the feminine nature of the mother is unequipped to deliver. A mother’s unconditional love is combined with the father’s tough love to hand children a stable and healthy upbringing, preparing them for the wider world when they reach adulthood. 

The natural hyper-energy and carnal desire for physical action present in young boys is partly restrained by the discipline of the father; without it, boys become hyper-masculine, lured into the dangerous world of gangs and physical violence, as a rite of passage to prove themselves to other men and gain acceptance into male circles. Without the father as a positive male role model, boys look elsewhere. 

In the world of cinema, this message is made clear in the film Boyz N the Hood, directed by the late John Singleton, and released in 1991. Its plot consists of a coming-of-age story surrounding the main character Tre (played by Cuba Gooding Jr.), who grows up in the crime ridden, gang infested streets of South Central Los Angeles. At the beginning of the film, Tre goes to live with his father, majestically played by Laurence Fishburne, which is what saves him from a life of misery and murder. 

In one pivotal scene (and I apologise in advance, for I am going to spoil the film), Tre sees his good friend, Ricky, gunned down in a drive-by shooting in broad daylight. His brother, Doughboy, immediately sets out for revenge, gathering his gun, and his gang. 

Tre, leaving his dead friend’s blood-soaked side, pledges to join Doughboy in the hunt for his brother’s murderers in a heat of the moment decision. Tre then ventures inside his house, fetches his father’s gun from his bedside, proceeds to walk back out the front door, only to discover his father standing in the way (scene below). 

His father, in that moment, represents the barrier protecting Tre from that dangerous world of gang violence (a role he has played throughout the film). He first taunts Tre, sarcastically declaring that he’s ‘bad now’, then warning him about the consequences if he steps back out that door, and finally, raising his voice, demands that Tre hand him the gun. Tre fulfils this request and embraces his father.  

Although Tre sneaks out of a window to join Doughboy’s gang on the hunt, he later leaves the group (before the killings take place), remembering the intervention of his father. It saves his life, but ends Doughboy’s, as the ending credits state that he died two weeks later – likely in a revenge attack. Doughboy had no father, a fact Tre’s father repeats about all the other children in the neighbourhood, making Tre an exception to the rule. His mother, weeping at the loss of her son, was unable to stop, or was unconcerned about, Doughboy’s lust for vengeance. 

How many young boys and men could have been saved – and could still be saved - from being maimed and killed by tribal, blood fuelled gang violence if only their fathers were present?